Your Death F…ed Us All Up

It’s not your fault my sweet son. But your death really fucked us all up. For example, I rarely said Fuck before you died.   Now, however, there’s a lot of anger, angst, and anxiety in me and saying Fuck kind of helps.   That may be minimizing the mess, but it’s just a little…

Alone

Do you ever feel alone?  Like really, really, really alone?  Mostly it’s a matter of not being able to tell someone every single thing you want to tell them.  Mostly it’s that keeping in of a few things…  You can’t tell friend X about 123 because she may judge you or judge 123.  You barely…

The Horrors We Relive

Sometimes in the middle of all of the grief and ugliness, you forget that other people have experienced equally horrible things in life.   You are wrapped up in your own distorted life.  Then you stop, take a breath, and remember those other people.  And you remember to be a little more kind when you…

Lord of the Rings

The Lord of the Rings movies are my all-time favorite movies.  The book is probably in my top 10, if not 10, 15.  I’ve read the epic novel at least 3 times.   I love to re-read books that are special to me.  I’ve read the harry potter books probably 8 times.  I’ve read Les…

Be Compassionate

I sometimes wish we could all know each others battles that we are fighting so that, perhaps, there could be more understanding between people. Understanding for the fact that we all handle these battles differently. For some, people need solitude and quiet; others need camaraderie and noise; most probably need a combination of the two….

depressed

i’m feeling overly emotional today.  so much going on.  i keep crying.

Shaped by Our Past

I was thinking today about why I am a little cold-hearted about some things.   See, a visiting family member has major issues.  And my spouse invited him to stay with us indefinitely.  I’m not happy about it on a lot of levels.  I won’t even begin to discuss here how that is a very strong depiction of a failing…

You Can’t Force Me

There are times that my husband speaks to me as though I’m a child.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not often, but when it happens, grrrrr! Today was one of those times.  He got angry with me because I acted less than enthusiastic at his words that he and I need to pray together every…

How to Parent when You’ve Lost a Child?

it changes everything….  your second child ends up being the oldest, even though he’s not the oldest.   everything becomes out of whack.  that first child is a pleaser… WAS a pleaser.  typical first kid.  wanted to do what was right.  more connected to mom.  second child?  typical second child.  more lazy.  more rebellious.  now…