Grief, Guilt, and Tears

As I dropped off my thirteen-year old son, Liam, at the soccer fields on Saturday morning, I took a look around at this place that has been a part of our lives for about ten years.  Ten years equals approximately twenty seasons, though there were one or two seasons in the early years that we…

Addiction, a Poem

Originally published on my blog on Bubblews on December 21, 2013 The first drink, puff, hit, touch Seemingly innocent, harmless. Never knowing the harrowing road That will rise up to meet you. Easing the pain, escapism, Pleasure seeking, necessary, Self-loathing, acceptance, The physical need drives you. Powerless as it begins to control Overwhelmed by the…

Brothers

Originally published by me on Bubblews on September 14, 2014 Three brothers in a household meant wrestling and boy humor and mud and tree climbing and reptiles and sticks and weapons and fishing and sports and fights and rocks and frogs and camping and knives and bikes and scouts and silliness and superheroes and fun…

The Significance of this Date (November 20, 2014)

Originally published on Bubblews on November 20, 2014 I doubt anyone else recognizes the significance of this day. My husband won’t. Heck, he doesn’t even remember the name of the condition that killed our son. So I doubt he would realize why November 20, 2014 is a significant day to me. Today is the day…

Nolan, The Artist

Originally published on Bubblews on December 31, 2013 From the time he was very little, Nolan was drawing. The first picture that I saved was called “Kitty Cat.” No, it doesn’t look like a kitty cat, he was less than two when he drew it. His talent grew and grew. Before long, he was making…

Nolan, the Poet

This was originally published on Bubblews, January 2014.  I’m trying to move much of my stuff about Nolan to one central place. We have a collection of poems that my son wrote during his short lifetime. Most of them were written between the ages nine and eleven. When I read them, I am amazed at…

When Darkness Prevails

This post was originally published on Bubblews by me on June 25, 2015. I fight it day in, day out. I fight the darkness that threatens to overcome me. A blanket of grief that is so heavy that it extinguishes all the light. Often as the tears flow in a brief moment of solitude before…

Not Really About My Grief

This post is about something that made me sad the other day.  I originally wrote it on one of my other blogs, but I’m attempting to consolidate my content.  So I’m moving it over here. An old college friend wrote a post on Facebook yesterday asking if he was a jerk because he reported two…

Expressing Grief Through Poetry

I wrote more poetry in 2013-2014 than I had in years. I remember writing poems in junior high and high school about things like being angry with my mom (ah the teen years) and boys that I fancied. In 2013, my poetry turned to sadness, sorrow, and pain as I wrote about my son, Nolan….

Digital Memories: What if I Lose Them?

In this age of digital photographs and videos, it is easy to lose these precious memories.  As a crazy picture taking photog, I photograph thousands of pictures.  I take many videos as well.  Yet, I don’t make hard copies of everything.  Losing any of these would be sad, but after losing my son, I worry…