Surviving the Holidays after Loss

Version 2Here we are again, another January.  January has such a morbid significance nowadays.  I hate that.

I hate so much about this new existence.  The NEW me!  The NEW family!  The NEW Normal… (I think I especially hate that phrase)

Because that’s what we have after losing a child, we have a new normal.

Whereas I used to spend Christmas Eve stuffing five stockings, now I stuff four.

Whereas I used to let Nolan pick our birthday lunch and I would pick the birthday dinner, now I just eat what I eat without much thought on December 22.

Whereas January used to just be The New Year, now it is the month in which I buried my son.

He died on 12/31/12.  He was buried on 1/5/13.

The day was cold and grey and quite miserable, of course.   Par for the course for January in the midwest.  Now, there is a cold, grey, miserable haze that covers each and every day that I live my life without my precious son.

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