1123 Days

Did you know there are websites that will calculate the duration between two dates?  So yes, now I can calculate EXACTLY how many days it has been since I lost my precious son.  Sure, I could have done so without the website.  I’m smart.  I could do the math.  For me, with Nolan’s death being on the last day of the year, well, it’s pretty easy to add up the days.

Easy.

Well, no, it’s not easy.

Thinking of the fact that it has been more than 1,000 days since I last spoke to my son Nolan is not easy.

The fact that I’ve had to live with the ‘what ifs’ for 1123 days is NOT easy.

Worrying each morning as I look in on the other children to make sure they are alive is definitely not easy.

Life without Nolan:  NOT EASY.

1123 days of wondering why God would allow something like this to happen.

1123 days of wondering if there is a God?

1123 days of waiting, hoping for a sign.

1123 days of pain, sorrow, anguish.

1123 days of a broken heart.

1123 days of a hole in my soul.

1123 days of post traumatic stress as I remember that horrific morning.

1123 days of asking WHY?

1123 days of wishing i could turn back time.

1123 days….

I miss you Nolan.  It doesn’t get easier.

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