Move On?

Yesterday I wrote a post on another blog of mine ( it’s more of a discussion board blog) about how those moments from the day of your death haunt me.    I had a user make a comment about how I need to move on.  The surprising thing is that this woman has also lost a child, albeit many years ago.

Wow.

First of all, since Nolan’s death, I have used my writing to help me move through this grief.   I write so that I don’t often wallow in it in real life.  My family, my friends, they rarely see me cry or act sad.    I’m not wasting away in a pool of grief.

But moving on?

I move through life now as a grieving mother.  Nolan’s life and death are a part of me.  I have to continue to live, to function, to move.

You work through the pain, but the pain is there.  I read a perfect description recently comparing the grief to the waves of an ocean.  Sometimes the water is calm, clear, placid.  Other times it is rocky and rough.   Then there are those monster waves that wipe everything out.  That’s grief.    It’s not always knocking you down, but it does sometimes.  And as long as you get back up instead of letting it wash you away into the depths of the ocean, then it’s ok to let it knock you around a little bit.  You did love that child after all.

I shouldn’t be surprised by this woman’s comment.  I have heard of others being told to move on by people.  It was just the fact that she has lost a child as well.  And someone who writes on blogs as well.  That’s where I go to let that ocean wave roll over me.  I go to the safety of my own words.

Version 2

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Judy says:

    Wow, I am sorry to hear this “pressure to move on” came from another bereaved parent. Honestly, it’s been over twenty years since my son died. Grief changed me forever and I don’t beleive it’s anything I’ve “moved on” from. It transformed me and I am optimistic to share that healing is possible. It was a long process for me. The horror of grief is unimaginable and no person has a right to tell someone else to move on!
    The only thing I’ve moved on from is constant sorrow. My son is with me in my heart every single day. I celebrate that. And certainly, not showing grief so it doesn’t appear like you’re wallowing in it – that is something I did for countless years. Eventually, I reached a place where I am now. I speak about my son, I cry and I celebrate what a gift he was to my life. You can do that. Those that may judge aren’t worth making adjustments for.
    Great writing. I also love the ocean metaphor and wrote a poem named “My tears filled an ocean.” http://myjourneysinsight.com/2010/10/05/189-beside-me-always-part-2/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’ve been shocked when people have told me about others telling them to move on. (sometimes it’s spouses, family, best friends)… but yes, another grieving parent saying it felt so odd! I’m sorry for your loss! I’m about to go over to your post.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Judy says:

        I like to inspire some hope. I became very good at keep my grief inside for so long. One thing I did learn, is that just as all people are different – so are bereaved people. Even when you think someone would be more sensitive as a result of their grief, there are those exceptions.

        Liked by 1 person

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