You Shouldn’t Be Dead

Screen Shot 2015-08-20 at 9.10.47 AMI see your friends celebrating their birthdays, most of them turning 16.  I see them getting gifts and drivers’ permits.  I see them going to school dances and parties.

I hear people talking about the gifts from God and the way He blesses them.  Miracles and the like.

And I think it is all bullshit.  You died in your sleep.  No warning.  My perfect 13 year old boy.  You told me you loved me.  You walked down the hallway to bed.  And I never will hear you talk to me again.   All because of a f…ing condition called Myocarditis that attacks the heart for NO REASON.

I beg for signs.  I want to believe I’ll see you again in Heaven.  I want to believe God actually cares about me.  But how can I?

You shouldn’t be dead.  And that is that.  It’s not fair.  Nothing about it is fair.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. MeRaw says:

    So very sorry.
    Thinking of you.

    Like

  2. DB says:

    I feel for you. It is hard watching their friends grow up -knowing what should have been but isn’t. Almost like insult to injury. You are right -it isn’t fair. No matter how you dice it, it just isn’t fair. Thinking of you.

    Like

    1. thank you! i appreciate your understanding!

      Like

  3. Judy says:

    I agree with you 100%. Losing a child is a horror – sudden death is particularly torturous. How can you possible process your healthy son leaving you so abruptly. I am sorry and have no idea what else to say. It’s beyond words.

    Like

    1. thank you for your kind and understanding words!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Judy says:

        You’re welcome. I wish you never, ever had to hear these words of agreement. Bereaved parents form a club that no one could ever imagine. We’ve lost a piece of our soul.

        Liked by 1 person

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