As a grieving mother, I have joined numerous grieving parent groups on Facebook. That has been where I received much of my support after losing Nolan. The death of a child is something so horrific and unimaginable that only another parent who has experienced it can truly understand. So I’ve joined a few groups.
In the early days, it truly did help me. I could post my terrible thoughts with no worries of judgement. I could extend a hand of sympathy to other bereaved parents.
One thing that has struck me over the last three years is how many truly horrifying things happen in the world. And in some ways, I think being a part of these groups has played a role in my diminishing faith. The unfairness is astounding.
Of course, we know about my son and his unknown condition, Viral Myocarditis. A virus attacked his heart. Boom, he was gone. I’ve joined a group on Facebook for that and have “met” so many other parents who’ve experienced the exact same thing. Terrible that something like this exists. So many terrible things exist. Besides this, there’s cancer; there’s the kid who was playing on the swing and when he jumped, a pebble flew into his throat and he choked and died; there’s the four year old who was run over by a car; there’s the eleven year old who committed suicide; there’s the 17 year old who overdosed on prescription drugs; there’s the 20 year old who died from cystic fibrosis; the 13 year old killed on an ATV; the 14 year old who got a small injury playing football and ended up getting a staph infection and dying; the 4 year old who got brain cancer and died a few months later; the 12 year old who was playing superhero in his room and had an accident off the bunk bed; the 13 year old who was playing on his farm, swinging on a rope, the rope ended up strangling him; SIDS; a 20 year old falling from a building while partying with his friends; a 13 year old boy at the airport with his parents and a large sign falls on top of him; a college student driving back to college after christmas break and hitting a patch of ice which causes her to wreck; parents who have lost multiple children (unfathomable); a woman whose ex-husband murdered all three of her daughters (he stabbed his own children). And more.
I read these stories. And so many more stories. And I can’t understand. I can’t wrap my head around how many children die from how many things?
Where is God during all of this? It makes me think if He does exist, he doesn’t care about us or listen to prayers.