The Not Knowing

Nolan had asthma.  And allergies.

Oh, we never had him tested.  But his asthma was often seasonal.  So I’m sure there were some allergies at play.

His asthma started so early.  He was a preemie.  “Healthy.”  But… he ended up in the hospital at 4 months of age with RSV.    From that point on, we were regulars at the whole nebulizer (i.e. breathing treatment) regime.  Oh sure, we had times when this wasn’t happening, but… it happened often.


Nolan still lived a very active, fulfilling life.

In the movies (and books), asthmatic kids are these nerdy children who can’t run, climb, throw, rough house, or play without losing their breath.  That was NOT Nolan.

Nolan was super active.  He was fast.  He climbed the trees like a monkey.  He rough housed with Liam like there was no tomorrow (and unfortunately at one point here was…)


With the unknown about myocarditis, with the many causes, it’s hard to not be scared.

My other kids have asthma.  And Ciara’s asthma reminds me so much of Nolan.

Her asthma is acting up and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared.  I’m always scared now.



One Comment Add yours

  1. Judy says:

    Your worry is understandable. I remember being that way with my living children – nothing felt safe anymore.
    But my living children are well and I am able to let go of worry. I want them to enjoy life and I trust them to venture forward without fear. For me, being able to relax and enjoy them is something I never imagined – ever. I pray that will happen for you someday.


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