Sweet Nolan

Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 9.48.16 PMtoday i thumbed through an old notebook/folder of yours that held your scouting materials.  i traced your name, written by you, and breathed in the fact that YOUR hand was once in that same spot.

those moments are becoming fewer.  moments of finding something of yours that i haven’t looked through since your death.  i suppose that is the upside to my messy house is that i still find things that are in boxes.

i’d love to find something like a poem or story or letter written by you.  it could feel like a sign.  how i need a sign.

i don’t ask anymore.  not for signs.  i rarely pray.  it hasn’t helped.

i’m reading a book which talks of meditation.  i’m hoping to try meditating to see if i hear God.  i don’t hear Him.  I don’t hear you.  I often feel so empty.

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Judy says:

    It sounds like you are working hard at grief, instead of succumbing. Meditation sounds like a very helpful idea. I believe the more you look for something, the more you will find it.
    You will see a sign. It still is a horror and a long road. I am very sorry because I remember it well. Thinking of you. He was such a sweet and beautiful boy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. wieckling says:

    Never stop looking for all those little signs, and pieces of him in music, songs, nature, butterflies, storms, sunsets, stars, shells, ocean. Hold all those little treasures close to your heart x I’m totally overwhelmed when I come across a photo of Jacob on his friends Facebook that I’ve never seen before. It makes me cry and smile all at once.

    Like

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