Grief and Divorce

I see why it happens.

They say that the percentage of couples who divorce after the death of a child is astronomical.

I see why.

You think it won’t happen because you have both just suffered the same devastating loss.  The loss is life changing.  The loss is soul changing.  The loss is marriage changing.

Every single person reacts is his or her very own singular way.

Some people internalize their grief.

Some people are very vocal.

Some people cry a lot

Some people don’t.

Some people turn to drinking, drugs, food, sex, gambling, anything to distract themselves from the pain.

Some people turn to God.

Some people lose faith.

Some people grasp that faith as their only hope.

Marriage is hard anyway.  It’s hard for any couple.  Men are annoying.  Women are hormonal.  There’s often financial stress or even just financial disagreements.

Raising children is hard.  You each have your own thoughts, ideas, etc.  Mostly you try to make it work together, but sometimes it is hard.

I think it’s normal to have disagreements, arguments, etc.  I think it’s normal to have ups and downs, highs and lows, ebbs and flows.

But you throw in the loss of a child….  well…. then you have extra sadness on top of it, extra exhaustion (because grief is so fucking exhausting), you have extra anger.

Like I said, it is life changing, soul changing, marriage changing.

it’s hard to survive; it’s hard to stay afloat; it’s hard to breathe.   you feel very alone in your grief.  no matter what.  it’s yours.  your own.



3 Comments Add yours

  1. Judy says:

    This is so sad – but so true. Nothing felt lonelier than when I was grieving. I lived in survival mode and plodded on with a marriage that wasn’t very good even before my son died. I felt proud for sticking with it, but the truth was that I had little strength to consider any alternative.
    It’s interesting that almost two decades later, I decided I had healed from my grief and was ready to start a new life. Divorcing after so many years wasn’t easy. But after going through grief, I was certain I could do it – and I did. I guess I’m another statistic in the astronomical percentage. On top of losing a child, my other children had special needs and that’s another one that causes divorce.
    This was a very well-written post. So sorry you’ve experienced this Hell, which you so aptly described.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Sometimes I don’t know how we keep going and moving and going some more

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Judy says:

        I was amazed that I survived. There is no thinking; we just move and slowly the steps add up and we are farther away from the hell where it all began. You will get there.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s