Sometimes I will be doing ok. Life is happening, you know, the living life…. And then I see pictures (or something) regarding someone that is Nolan’s AGE… And I feel how brutally unfair it all is….
Nolan would be a Junior in high school… dances… driving… dates… ACT’s, SAT’s…. college prep…. fights with mom over curfew…. calculus…. soccer…. track… baseball… friends…. first days of school….
Then suddenly, I’m overwhelmed and I’m tired and I’m sad. And I realize how crushing it is to my soul that he will NEVER do these things. And i see pictures and i want to scream and i want to rip the pictures from the screen of my computer and burn them.
Everything about it isn’t fair. And it’s a little funny (not really funny) that life is a bit of a catch-22 now…. I do my best to keep on keeping on by keeping busy… busy means interacting with all the folks living normal lives…. However, what may make me NOT think about the unfairness more is to escape and never see these people again.
Life is so unfair. Nolan should still be alive.
I hate this so much.