Handling Everything or Not?

Screen Shot 2015-08-20 at 9.08.45 AMI’m often told by friends and acquaintances that they don’t know how I do everything.

What they don’t realize is that I don’t?  My house is a disaster.  Seriously.  Not just a little messy.  A DISASTER.

I’m more overwhelmed than usual lately because:  my oven doesn’t work;  my dryer doesn’t work;  my fridge just stopped working;  my kids’ laptop is broken (math);  liam’s stupid $1000 required school laptop tonight decided to act like something is wrong with it (pray there isn’t… we don’t have money to replace it);  we don’t have a dishwasher, so there are always dishes piled in my sink;  what else?  oh i’m sure there’s more.

Then there’s the activities, all the normal ones plus liam’s new stuff by going to school.

Then there’s bills…. bills that I forget to pay;  bills that I can’t afford to pay;  bills that I pay late;  bills that I forget to pay… oh did I already mention that?

People tell me to try to cut things out… nothing I’m doing is really optional.   My kids do one sport:  one.  There are no scouts, no music lessons, no theater, no dance.  Just one sport.  But I homeschool and I kind of suck at that too.  We do a co-op which technically is optional, but seriously, no co-op would mean no homeschool.  My kids would have to go to school.

Teaching yoga is a dream and though it keeps me busy, I love it.  I don’t stress about teaching, I don’t dread teaching, it’s a passion.

Catering is required for money.  And mostly I enjoy it.  The only thing I don’t enjoy about it is juggling everything on the days that I work.  But the work itself is fun.

I’m often anxious during the fall because of so many things:  life is crazy, nolan is gone.  anxiety.  it’s like a  double whammy for me.

I usually gain some weight in the fall too.  Oh great.  I got a head start when I gained weigh this summer….   Funny thing:  I stopped drinking (for the most part) because it was screwing up my sleep.  You would think no alcohol would equal less calories, but somehow it hasn’t worked like that.

Then there’s just my mind going in a million directions….

I’m not handling it all at all….

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Judy says:

    Honestly, just getting out of bed in the morning with the heavy load of grief is a lot. It takes so much energy to get through the day with an aching heart. I wish you more compassion – from everyone around you, to giving it to yourself. You’ve lost a piece of your soul. I cannot imagine how you are dealing with all this stress on top of that. I wish it were easier for you. I wish, I wish.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sometimes I wonder if all this busy STUFF is actually a good thing… all my mundane worries like paying the bills and needing a new refrigerator. When I’m worrying about those things, I don’t have the time or energy to think about Nolan.

    Like

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